You make me feel safe;
When I'm in your arms I know I'm secure
from whatever I am probably running away from.
None of it matters because you have me and that is enough to relieve my mind for a several minutes or a few hours
I love lying next to you;
Your body is so warm
I love playing with your hair;
Dude, it's totally soft
Milwaukee was awesome. I know you were tired, but I was excited.
I couldn’t stop smiling, did you notice?
It wasn't even the prospect of the concert. It was our reflections in the windows of the bagel shoppe and Starbucks. we looked like a couple. In my head I referred to you as my boyfriend. Titles didn't matter; I knew the truth inside me. It was so cool. Even though it wasn't official, I felt like we were. Yeah, "boyfriend" is a delightful thing, to say; it is special, and I like saying it.
More than that, i liked that i finally felt i belonged to someone but not in a possessive, bad way.
I felt like... no other guy could hurt me again because i had grown up.
Can you believe that? You made me mature. People have been trying that for years... you did it without trying.
You see, you didn't make me grow up in a way that means we had to be serious and formal and stiff and proper. Rather, we could be totally silly and foolish and giggly and cuddly.
You were, i think, my first mature, adult relationship. It’s like this:
I too often put myself in relationships and situations that were very bad. I hung out with a male slut who wasn't my type at all. We were of two different worlds. However, i felt like everything would work and after a month or so i would go on my way untouched and unchanged. He lied to me, ignored me, used me, stole from me... he was a jerk. Then i hung out with his friend. his friend did drugs, stood me up, and eventually got rid of me after stealing a kiss and dropping a line or two about telling his mother he'd found a good girl. then there was this drunk guy who made me do things i didn't want to, and i felt like I’d degraded myself. Rather than stay away, i continued to stay in touch with him and things got worse. oh, then there is a guy i knew who i was finally honest with that i loved him and his response was to flirt and be affectionate (on some days) yet not believe in love and not want to date. Each time he left I felt worse than the loneliness itself had during his previous absence.
Then, there is you.
As I lay beside you, head on your chest, I thought how you actually respected me, how you tried to make me happy, how you were a match for me for affectionateness (you never did get to see the extent of my side of this, i apologize. I was tired and told myself I’d make it up to you and then some next time i saw you. I felt bad for that), you were the same religion, and you weren't loose,
Actually, I think I thought of the second half of those at another time. I'd erase the extra ones, but you should know those too. So let me try again, let's continue from "how you were a match for me for affectionateness."… and it was in that moment that I thought of the other guys and it occurred to me that I no longer had to lower myself in order to feel wanted and that I was attractive (not just physically, but attractive altogether). You weren't using me, be it for money or as a replacement/side-project for a lover who was absent at the time. You didn't want me for my body.
I finally felt self-worth. You made me realize I didn't need any of those jerks or any future ones to feel good. I mean it. I think I said something similar to you then because it was on my mind, although I can't remember the exact words.
Everything I've told you has been true. None of it was a sugar-coated half-truth. When I stood up for you or said something nice, I wasn't lying to anyone, including myself. Usually I make a person sound better he is so that I will start to believe it. In your case I didn't have to. You really were that amazing.
You make me happy.
You make me whole.
I feel complete because of you.
I feel comfortable around you. When I have a bad day and want to escape, I think of that day I sat with you in the back of the car and you just wrapped your arms around me, spoke softly in that great voice of yours, and kissed me a few times 'til I relaxed.
It's amazing really, how a quick squeeze or a kiss on the forehead or back of the head or anywhere can feel so good. It's little things like that.
*smirks* You know, that's one thing I don't think I ever really got. Every guy I met wanted to please me, in some sexual way. They were trying too hard. All I ever wanted was little things. A call, a short note, stopping by... these sorts of things would've made my entire day. Not one occurred to them. As for physical things; there is nothing quite as romantic as a little kiss somewhere on the body, inching over and touching fingertips and providing the smallest amount of heat between the two, patting the top of a head while walking by, or playing with hair... such simple things, such wonderful things. Walking next to each other with our arms around each other, that was one of my favorite parts of the trip.
My life's improved since you came up here to visit and we saw each other and talked to each other for the next few weeks. I was genuinely happy.
I knew someone actually cared about me and wouldn't hurt me. I knew it was real.
There are so few things in the world that are sure, that are secure.
You made me sure.
I suppose I should have told you this earlier. When I had time to myself and I actually thoughts about things, I figured out that the majority of relationships I could find in the next four years would most likely be flirting. Fun, a bit enjoyable, and short-termed. It wouldn't last. I used to give myself three months with a guy. Every time, before the three months were over, the guy would grow bored and move on. I hadn't intended to put that down, but it occurred to me, so I did. I was originally just going to say that while I was thinking, I came to realize those wouldn't last. What we had however, could last. I knew it could. The reason I didn't say anything was I figured I'd show it to you when I spoke to you and saw you. You know, actions speak louder than words? Guess I shouldn't have waited though. Doubts and things like that need to be killed off as soon as possible.
In the morning, I try to pretend what it'd be like to wake up next to you. It might be silly, but I do. I think how cool it would be to stroke the side of your face and just smile as I enjoy you beside me.
I just want to hold you. I really can't get enough of you when you're by me. I love it; I love being that close to you. It's awesome.
You make me feel like a kid in that I get a natural high off being around you. That's what gave me the energy that day.
Listen, you're great. You're better than great.
You made me see thing from a different perspective, and I realized I deserved better than those other guys, I deserved you.
Yeah! I meant to put it up there. My friend and I were walking in town and I saw one of those guys in his yard (he told me he'd moved out of state, so there was a lie added on). Normally, I'd have crossed and spoke to him, or at the very least waved. However, I kept walking. It was so cool knowing that because of you I didn't need to ever pay him mind again. And I didn't need to deal with guys who made me sit around waiting for them to never call/email me.
You freed me.