---

Gasps were heard all across the large room. The man she was addressing became an even deeper shade of scarlet as he burst out "Impossible! No one would appoint such a person as you as an ambassador. An ambassador represents his or her country. You appear to be representing a call-girl service." Clearly the man didn't fear death considering his words. At that very moment though two silenced guns were aimed at his neck and temple.

"A call-girl service you say? Well, I'd be more than happy to represent them more thoroughly later this night, if your wife doesn't mind. Then again, she mustn't, based on how many scandals you've had of that sort." She glanced at the woman in question, who was blushing more horrible. "On second thought, you're not my type. Men who use the taxes of the people they represent to buy their mistresses diamonds are completely despicable." Nodding and standing erect, she said "Francisco, Garrett, release your fingers from your triggers. You know the sight of blood ruins my appetite." At this they lowered their guns and holstered them inside their jackets. She then took her seat, followed by her escorts. Smiling as if nothing had happened, she then began to look around. "Waiter?" Finally one brave soul answered her waving. "Yes, I would like swordfish smothered in the chef's best herbs and spices. Francisco here," she nodded to the man to her left, "would enjoy a sirloin, and Garrett is rather found of pheasant. "Oh, and pour a glass of wine best suited for our individual courses."

"Um, madam, we don't serve meat here. Eating the flesh of animals is barbaric,"

She pouted, "You mean I have to eat like a bunny? On my way here I saw an eagle tearing apart a bunny and eating its innards. This happened just down the road. Where were you when that monstrosity was occurring? Hmm?"

"I wasn't aware it was occurring."

"You honestly don't want the Discovery Channel? I've seen it happens of there lots."

"That is thousands of miles away though."

"Oh, well, then I suppose it's acceptable then," she paused, the continued "Well, surely the cow and pheasant weren't killed in the kitchen less than ten yards over there. That means they were killed thousands of miles away. That means it's forgivable and I can eat them. Do hurry now, I'm rather famished."

Turning away from the waiter, she addressed the occupants of her table, "Pardon me, I'm going to try to improve the atmosphere in here. You can rest here," the last bit being directed to her bodyguards. She then stood and walked across the room to where a classical band was set up. "Hello gentlemen, ladies. I was wondering if any of you knew how to use a synthesizer. Don't think that I don't enjoy your music; I just think it might sound cool if it had a modern sound."

A man in the percussion section spoke up, "Actually miss, we do. I can have it set up right away."

"Oh, that would be excellent. Here, allow me to tip you in advance," she said, taking a hundred-dollar bill from the purse about her wrist.

She then headed back towards her table. As she was crossing in front of a decorative pillar she heard, "Well, if it isn't Alicia Himura." Turning around she saw a young man with sparkling green eyes and black hair standing there holding a drinks tray.

"Charles! My word, whatever are you doing here?" she exclaimed, sounding genuinely happy.

"I'd ask you the same, but I know the answer would be 'to cause trouble,'" the young man said with a charming grin.

"Of course; but you hate extravaganzas like this. Why-ever are you working at one?"

"I have a friend who wanted Conor Oberst's autograph and photo, and this job means I'll get to see him."

"Conor Oberst is -here-? Where?" Alicia said, jumping and looking around wildly.

"You silly girl. This party is for diplomats. Conor and the Used will be at one next month."

"Get me in! Please!" she hugged him tightly."

"Whoa! I have a tray here! Anyway, I thought you hated musicians who used their status to influence oblivious youth. Why do you want to meet him?"

"He's pretty."

"You really are silly. Anyway, you're an ambassador now, you should be able to get in by yourself without me. Not that you seem to want me for any reason but to meet -other- guys..."

"Oh Charles! Don't you be foolish too now. I could never care for Conor. You on the other hand..." her voice dropped a bit and she cocked her head and batted her eyes.

"You're still as darling as ever. Hey! I have to serve these drinks. Also, don't you have to be presented on stage soon?"

"Oh yes, that thing. I suppose I'll go now, but I fully intend on seeing you later. Here!" she said, fishing a scrap of paper out of her purse, "This is where we are staying. I'll expect you there as soon as you clean up here." With that she kissed him on the cheek and hurried towards the stage where a man was checking the mic.

---

"Good evening, distinguished members of the UN and other representatives. I hope you've all enjoyed your meals and conversation so far. The music for tonight has been especially good, and I think what they began playing several minutes ago was very interesting. As most of you know, the Prime Minister of Alpracia appointed a new ambassador earlier this week. Tonight I have the pleasure of introducing her to you all." The guests looked at each other. Was this man in the bathroom during the episode earlier? "Without further adieu, Miss Alicia Himura of Alpracia." As she walked, or rather stalked, out and across the stage, the audience had enough sense to politely clap.

"Hello everyone, sir. It's such a delight to be here with all of you. It's truly a shame the starving children of the world can't join us here. But hey, they aren't paying for your plane's fuel, so who gives a care, right? I'm sorry, I had a really nice speech prepared but due to lack of mind-improving nutrients found in your finned friends, I can't seem to remember it. By the way, the waiter who served my table should be fired. I notice the meals of my body-guards haven't been delivered to them too. Sheesh, the service now-a-days. So yes, I am Miss Alicia Himura, and I'm sure I'll be getting to know you all personally quite soon. Ciao and enjoy your compost, I mean meals." With that she turned nodded at the man who'd presented her, and left the stage.

"Such a delightful young woman. Again, Miss Alicia Himura." There were fewer claps this time, courtesy or not.

"That man is clearly in need of a hearing-aid," said one of her escorts, perhaps Francisco, when she had sat down.

"I think he's darling. He's old enough that he might still be living in an era where the UN was a good idea." After this, she again looked around. "This place is really dull. Truly we should've stopped at Outback Steakhouse before coming here. Then I might have the energy to berate these people properly. Hey, is there anything important going on, or can we go? Yo, pops, anything?" she addressed this last part to the pompous man sharing their table.

"Um, what? Oh, well there is going to be an announcement soon about how much money was raised tonight to stop cruelty towards livestock stuck in cages. Surely that wouldn't interest you though."

"You mean like chickens that are stacked atop each other and never see the light of day but instead are automatically fed and shot full of drugs?"

"Yes, exactly like that."

"Hmm. Well at least there's one thing here I can approve of. I think I'll stay to make sure the money's going strictly to that."

---

8/13/05 2:30 pm
(c) Meghann Pardee